plz talk dirty to me
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
