I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
