Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
