fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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