I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
