I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
