she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
