she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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