In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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