For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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