Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
