Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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