We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
