I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
