my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
