My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
