census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The air was thick with penises
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
