Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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