It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
