I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The power of my boobs compel you
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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