what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
