this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
