cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I think people are normalizing furries
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