all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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