Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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