he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
