i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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