Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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