She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
