that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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