Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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