I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
