i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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