It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
