Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
