Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
