I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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