We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
