im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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