I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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