all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
