Are we in a gay sports bar?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
