After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
