my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
