I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
