I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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