areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
