NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
