After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
