Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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