my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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